For the second year in a row, I spent the winter training with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training group for the Lavaman Olympic distance Triathlon in Waikoloa, Hawaii. And, for the second year in a row I have been let down by my body.

This year’s let down actually started with the repercussions of last year’s ankle failure. I started the training season still recovering from the ankle reconstruction that I had last April. I had some pain, but neither my surgeon or my physical therapist believed that I would hurt myself further, so I persevered. By December, things were coming along nicely, my swim was going great, I was finally getting some good distances on the bike, and all of my fund raising was done. I saw no reason that this year’s triathlon wouldn’t go as planned, so the husband and I bought our plane tickets for our trip to Hawaii. Then, in January, as I was leaving a party that I had been catering, I rolled my right ankle (the good one) as I walked to the car. Training came to a halt.

A couple of weeks later, it felt better. Not great, but good enough to resume training. I got back on my bike and started working again towards the 25-mile distance that would be required on my bike. This is when it started to occur to me that this whole thing might not work out. Again.

By February, I felt resigned to the idea that I may not be able to finish this triathlon. After a few tears, and a pep talk from my coach I adjusted my thinking. Sure, I may not be able to finish, but I could easily do the 1-mile swim, and at least half of the bike. This race was, after all, being run in honor of my dad. When he was sick, undergoing chemo and radiation for his non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, he gave it his all. It seemed like I should do the same.

Then, in March, the shoulder pain started. I’d felt this pain before, 12 years ago just before I had shoulder surgery. I decided to attack it head on with trips to the chiropractor and deep tissue massages. If I could just get it to calm down a little, I could still race. Then I lost the feeling in three of my fingers (and the pain still persisted). It was obvious to me, that I needed to see someone new. In the last couple of weeks, Dr. Chan has been able to get the feeling to come back to my fingers (though I’m still getting “pins and needles” throughout the day) but there is some question as to just what is wrong with me. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that racing at this point could cause enough damage that it would be my last race.

So, as the rest of my team is running their race, I will be team cheerleader. It seems like the next best way to honor my Dad, who was always one of my biggest cheerleaders. I’ll greet each of my team mates at the finish line with cheering, clapping and a huge smile. And I’ll lift at least one “post-race” beer to my Dad. I think he’d like that too.

The post above was written before the race. The photos were taken by friends on the morning of the race. Though I absolutely enjoyed watching my friends and teammates cross the finish line, it took a bigger toll on my psyche than I expected. It also inspired me. The 500 or so Team in Training participants raised $2.8 million dollars for patient care and blood cancer research. Amazing.